Should I try long-distance dating?

Have you ever had a long-distance relationship? If so, then you might know what hurdles to expect when it comes to dating and moving forward with your love interest.

For those of you who haven’t and are wondering what to do, if you should even pursue someone who lives in another city, another state, or even another country, there are a few questions you can ask yourself to put that anxiety at rest. After all, you don’t know where the relationship is headed – this takes time and getting to know each other more and more deeply.

So how do you really get to know someone intimately when it’s long distance? You don’t have the luxury of seeing them whenever you want, so you have to build the relationship in another way.

I spoke recently to a man from the UK who was dating a woman in New York. He said they met while he was visiting, fell for each other, and kept a long-distance relationship going for a couple of years before they married. He was happy to stick it out, and perhaps you will be, too.

Following are some questions to ask yourself first:

How flexible can you be?

This means, do you have disposable income, frequent flier miles, or time off at work? These things are essential in the budding stages of long-distance romance. It’s important to make the time to see each other, so you can keep the relationship moving forward. This means a little more sacrifice of time and money, which some people aren’t willing to give. So be honest with yourself – will you get resentful of how much money you’re spending? Will you expect him to visit more, or will you split expenses equally? Knowing where you stand helps curb resentment in the long run.

Do you use technology?

With apps like Skype and our cell phones practically attached to our bodies, there’s no excuse for being out of touch. Long-distance relationships will fare better when you utilize the tools available. If you’re not comfortable Skyping or texting or calling, then you may want to reconsider. These things all matter and contribute to making the relationship last.

Are you trusting?

Maybe your last boyfriend broke your heart by cheating, and since then you haven’t been able to trust a man unless you know where he is and who he’s with. This doesn’t really work for long-distance relationships. There has to be a level of honesty and trust, because you’re not around each other and you can’t check in with each other all the time. You each have your lives where you live, and then you have your relationship together. If you question his feelings about you or his intentions with the relationship every time you speak to him, you might create problems that don’t exist. Think about your tendencies before you know whether you can handle the distance.

Are you looking at the future?

It’s important for both parties to make concrete plans about your goals and future – and when you can live in the same city. It’s important to have a plan moving forward, so that the relationship has a real chance. You can’t live apart feasibly forever. While romantic reunions for a long weekend here and there are fun, it takes living in the same city and being part of each other’s daily lives to see if things could work in the long run.